SANCTIMONIOUS CARABINIERI HOLINESS 1

It was 6 in the morning

Scapula, sign of the cross, knees kiss floor

Hands together, eyes closed.

Whisper, talk, prattle, decibellable tonguing…

I claim, I declare, I command,

A job, money, wife.

Amen.

 

It was 2 hours after noon,

Breakfast.

How are you ‘unfasting’ people?

Joe, did you fast today?

My Lord said, the Lord says, my Father said, the Word of God says…

My people, the Lord cometh!

 

It was 2 hours after sunset.

A quarrel with a co-cotenant over funeral contribution:

God is not a god of the dead!

Mourn with those who mourn!

 

It was 4 hours after sunset,

A   sister is dozing in the davenport

Sister Awo, please go home.

No. I’m feeling sleepy la…

The more reason you should leave.

I’ll lose the sleep when I walk home.

But PASTOR…..

Pastor is in his house. Don’t you claim things ever?

 

 

Five minutes after midnight,

A new sponge, a new towel outdoored.

 

Seventy-four minutes after midnight,

Two bedrooms in a single room: settee an independent room

Fine music: masculine snoring and feminine sighing for two hours.

 

At three in the morning, splatter on the roofs till daybreak!

Unity of bedrooms, with a pillow boundary.

I’m cold

Use the blanket

Not enough heat

 

Snoring resumes.

Bro James, care you not that I perish of cold?

Turn and look upon poor sister.

The turn of the turning James and James’ eyes

A damsel in birthday attire.

Claim whatever you see.

 

Save me Lord!

Afraid James

Saliva meal.

Hugging.

The beast with two backs

Stooping

Little James captured,

Tortured in dark cave

Little James vomits

Little James pulled out, weak.

 

 

But I thought you fasted today.

And I had thought you swore you were sanctimonious,

And I had thought you wouldn’t.

A sanctimonious carabinieri holiness,

Thank you, anyway.

Ooopsh! God save my soul!

E be God you go bell?

Written by 

Describing a man like this cannot be an easy task. A man of many parts and sides. A single statement of his sends confusion all over the place: some laugh it off; others weep. Highly unpredictable… consistently inconsistent. Strict but funny. You cannot fully know him because he does not know himself enough either. Settled? When you first meet him, he’s banal; then you get to know him a bit, then you like him. Get to know him some more and you don’t like him much anymore. Write him off…. A mistake. He likes to be undermined at first contact. WARNING! You’re in the territory of a man with uncommon experiences so don’t be unexpectant of the expected unexpected. What do I mean? DJ Merque’s hobbies are reading, teaching and video-making. Writing is his part-time job wae. Kweku Tuadzra started writing in 1996 and now has collections of plays, films, poems and stories. A product of Dzolo Secondary School. He read English, French and Theatre Arts for a first degree, graduating in 2000, having combined Theatre Arts and English. Subsequently, he read English for an MPhil degree in Legon, specializing in the Syntax of International Auxiliary Languages. Grandpa, an expert on Ghanaian Pidgin English, has lived in almost all regions of Ghana ever. Willy Tuadzra is the CEO of Grandpa & Sons Primal Communications Consult. He was born in the 1970s.

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